Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
