I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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