i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Boobs are out for the taking
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
