I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize