Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
