I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She needs sedatives and a leash
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
