You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
