I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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