not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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