the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
