Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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