tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
