Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
