Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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