After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
