Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
