two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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