you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
