I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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