okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
