It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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