i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
