My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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