so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
try to milk me bitch
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