glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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