You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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