Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
