just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
