is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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