guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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