I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
