Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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