All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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