Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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