you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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