just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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