It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
