Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize