i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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