My pussy is not your playground.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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