i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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