I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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