Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
