I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
