Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
