exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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