i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
