just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
