I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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