What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
