apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
