I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
