How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
