i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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