you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
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