Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just threw up on my dentist
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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