I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
