dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
