I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
