As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize