Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
