I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
