Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Couch. On fire.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
