Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
