Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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