how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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