How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
