do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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