Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her

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(704): View more from North Carolina

i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight

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(804): View more from Virginia

dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck

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(847): View more from Illinois

2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well

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(520): View more from Arizona

Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples

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(650): View more from California

You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out

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