They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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