I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
