I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
