Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
