I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
