i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize