I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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