Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
