You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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