I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
