Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
