I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize