Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
