If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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