i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize