Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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