God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize