A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
