then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
